dark clouds

the weather the last few days seem to coincide with my mood. no, don't get me wrong, i'm not in depression nor am I feeling down. it's just, now that 2006 is finally here the count down has started. I officially have 2 years left before I leave the service. yes, its true that my contract is for 10 years and it should rightly end in 2012 but i have decided to break my contract. i'm asking for an early release. why you ask? I don't know. some how being in the service is not what i had imagined it too be. but that's not the problem. the problem is what i'm going to do after i leave the service. by that time, i should have completed my degree in mass comm, i'll be 25 years old, going on 26. i really want to go overseas to work. i don't know why but i just feel like i need to experience living on my own and working in a new environment. i'm scared. i don't have many fears in life, but knowing i want to leave in 2 years time really scares me. i'm more scared of what life has in-store for me after i leave. where will i work, what will i work as? its going to be hard giving up a good pay for the unknown. by the time i leave in 2 years time, my monthly pay would be around $2600. i know its not much but giving that up for a new job that will definitely pay less is a scary thought. i'll be lucky to find a new job that will pay me $2000 or $2200 when i first start let alone match my current pay of $2600. oh well, like the quote goes, "there's nothing to fear but fear itself." so i guess i should not be worried and think of all the negatives but instead look forward to a whole new challenge. guess i'll just have to put things into perspective.