Good Ol' Chuck.....

It takes Chuck Norris 30 minuets to watch 60 minuets.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard. It's another fist.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa the smile.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming "Law" and "Order" are trademarked names for his left and right leg.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water, and MAKE it drink.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He DECIDES what time it is.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up enough courage to tell him.

Superman owns a pair of Superman Pajamas.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.

When Chuck Norris is doing a push-up, he isn't pushing himself up, he's pushing the whole world down.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toe, he accidentally destroys chairs, bed-frames and sidewalks.

It's believed that dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.

Arnold Schwarzenegger stole the phrase "Get into the chopper, NOW" from Chuck.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris' fists are named Shock and Awe.

Chuck Norris is the reason that Larry the Cucumber (Veggie Tales) doesn't have any arms.

Chuck Norris has knocked out so many teeth that he could make a real-life model of a shark head.