Words from a broken man.

What does one do when he realizes that he has nothing left to look forward too? How could I have been so stupid? There she was, right in front of me and I did not seize the chance. I had her in my arms and I took her for granted. I thought that I could take my time in changing. Was it my pride? Was it ignorance? Just like the children's tale of how the boy cried wolf. I've cried wolf twice now. Both times she came, because she trusted me. I have betrayed that trust. My heart feels like lead. Thrown from the boat, I sink into the depths of the abyss. I don't believe that I am an evil man. I don't even think I am a bad man. Misguided, maybe. Irresponsible towards others feelings, maybe. To proud to admit my mistakes and seek help, yes. But I'm not a bad man. I don't intentionally do things to hurt others. Sometimes my actions hurt those closest to me. Believe me when I say, I never wanted it to be that way. Many times, I do things or say things without thinking how it might affect others. I do and say things at the spur of the moment. Reckless and stupid I may be, but I'm not an evil person. I never meant to hurt anyone. My life now hangs by a very thin thread. I cannot blame anyone but myself. It is my doing. My irresponsible actions that has lead me down this path. I know the word 'sorry' has no meaning to you. But some how it is the only thing I know how to say. Before you came along, I could never say the word sorry. My pride was too big. 'Real men' don't apologize. Or so I thought. But now, its the only word I can say. I don't want end up like the little boy in the story. I don't want to meet the real wolf and when i cry for help, there is no one there. For right now, the only words from a broken man is, SORRY.