Wishful thinking...

Every year, around this time, people start asking me what I want for my birthday. Jasmine, my brothers, my parents and some of my other closer friends always ask me what I want. Every year, its usually the same answer... I don't know, anything also can, don't want, up too you etc etc. Well this year, I have some things in mind. Funny thing is, Raveen asked me whether I wanted it first. He asked me what colour I wanted and I said white, so I guess this is one of the presents I might be getting...


Now, Jasmine has been asking me what I want. I've tried telling her I don't want anything and that she shouldn't waste her money on me, but that girl is damn persistent. She knows I love shoes and I did hint to her which pair of the retro Nike Air Max shoes I wanted but I suddenly thought of something. I need to be practical and well, I already have a lot of shoes at home that I use for going out but what I really need is a new pair of running shoes. So once again, since she already knows that I want shoes, maybe I get a new pair of Asics Running shoes...


As for my parents, relatives, friends; if you can't think of what to get me, the best answer I can give you is... CASH. Hahaha... well, money will always come in handy because I have school fees to pay, camera accessories that I want to buy and things like that...

But then again, I know no one reads my blogs anyway so I guess it is wishful thinking to think that I get any of the above stuff for my birthday. *winks*

Is there anyone out there?

Is it wrong of me to feel this way? To feel jealous. To be envious of people around me. I don't know anymore. The weird thing is that, I'm not envious of rich people or famous people or things like that. I'm envious of the people closest to me. Weird right. Take my younger brother Raveen for example. I love him, of course, but at the same time, I am jealous of him. I look at him and all the close friends that he has. The wonderful experiences he has shared with people during mission trips. The way he connects with people so easily. Take Danny for example. Danny is a good friend of mine. We grew up together. He's a year younger than me but we were in the same church, same cell group for so many years and we played soccer together, tennis together and basically hung out. But as we got older, he had his own life and I had my own but some how Raveen, my brother, managed to still start hanging out with Danny and he became closer to him than I had in so many years. Its not fair. Danny is my friend. And so was Robin and Jimmy and Corinna. But I don't hate him for it. I still love him. I just wish I had his magnetic personality to attract people. The ability to have such close friends. Even Jasmine, my girlfriend, has this magnetic personality. The way the makes friends in school after just a few weeks, you'll think they have been friends for years. I want that. I want to have friends again that I can hang out with. Friends that I can confide in. As much as I love both Jasmine and Raveen, I want to have what they have. It can be quite lonely with out friends. I want to have the special memories you share with friends while growing up. I want to have people I can call and talk too. I want to have friends who will call and talk to me just for the hell of it. No need to have anything to ask or say, but just call to talk. I want that again. To spend holidays and special occasions with the people I care about and who care about me all the same. Its quite sad actually, on my 21st birthday, the friends that attended my party, were actually Raveen's friends who Raveen invited to my 21st party cos I happen to know them from Church, with the exception of Danny. But I've realised that I cannot go on alone. Yes, I have Jasmine and my family, but we all still need friends right? Oh, how I envy Raveen and Jasmine's friends!

WILL YOU BE MY FRIEND?